Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Waiting Upon the Lord

Honestly my decision to serve was super easy I think one of the hardest things in deciding to serve for me was God's timing because in reality your not really gonna say "Oh hey, Heavenly Father I can fit you in 2015- 2017 that best fits my calendar."  When the church announced the decision to change the age availability I was completely on board, I did the normal things and prayed about it, felt good and continued moving forward.  Announced to my family that I was going to serve and leave after I finished school that semester. It was a whirlwind time a good portion of girls were starting papers and answering the call to serve and I was one of them. I did everything to start preparing and felt very confident in my decision for the future.

But quickly my decision hit some obstacles. 

Hearing Not right now for anybody is always difficult especially when you want something so badly and you feel that you're doing the right thing. I wrestled with my situation, I remember feelings angry at myself and in a prayer uttered that night and I took it out on God. I was following his prompting, We both  knew it was right then why couldn't I go? I went back to school as directed by my parents and was not a happy camper, I felt completely alone and the other option of serving was way more appealing, its where I believe my heart was.

I went through the refiners fire the following year.  I came back that year and  I had felt so alone and it was at that time that my best friend would call me or text me every morning without fail and tell me something about my worth and end with I love you and the lord loves you. That was the thing I woke up every morning a message or phone call from her and it change my life at school and second semester I got myself together. And I decided okay “I don't know why your here but there is a reason why your here. And you don't have time to sit around and pout because your not in the mission field right now, you can be a missionary here.” I served in our relief society presidency and I had such love for the women that I served and I knew that heavenly father wanted me to be there. I went home for the summer and I had left with so many refining experiences while I was at school. 

I looked back and this summer I texted a friend and told her I think I'm going to go on a mission next summer I think Im going to do it. Ill never forget her reply she said "Crystal, God wants you to be happy truly happy whatever makes you happy do it."

I had totally forgotten about that prompting and decision.  As soon as my foot step back on campus my heart felt those promptings once gain. My campus has been the place where I have made the most life changing decisions, experienced my refining experiences, its been my home. Receiving promptings about a mission,  I was like no way my parents said that if i was going to go on a mission it would be when i graduated. But they were strong and when the lord is trying to tell you something there is no denying it. One of my friends who was a complete stranger to me at the time would ask me When are you going on a mission? Im like I don't know you.. he would ask me almost every time he saw me.  If it wasn't when,  it was did you put your papers in?   He was who the lord used. He pushed me to really think about the promptings. I decided to pray about it. There is a lot of fear that comes. I didn't know what was gonna happen, I didn't know how my family was going to react. But I knew that I was going to have to walk with all the faith I could muster in my life.

1 Nephi 3:7 became really real to me at the point it wasn't just Nephi's testimony that the lord would prepare a way but I had to believe that what he had prompted me to do, he would protect me through it all. So I kept moving forward I started my paperwork, did doctors visit, and everything in between. It was most comforting process, I felt protected but it was hard. Sometimes thats how things are but I knew that everything was going to work out because the lord was going to make it possible. 

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